


Abandoned Feelings

by jaemnoya



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Romance, side char: mark donghyuck renjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 10:39:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15993497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemnoya/pseuds/jaemnoya
Summary: In which Jeno and Jaemin try to bring closure to their relationship that broke seven years ago.





	Abandoned Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> From the prompt: Post break up au when Jaemin and Jeno realize that they still in love with each other, and decide to try one more time.
> 
> And a nomin fic I've been meaning to write but I lacked the time and effort to do so.
> 
> anyway.
> 
> Half of this is written when I was half-asleep - no joke - so if it gets extra crappy, you know why.
> 
> Originally to be written in Jeno's POV (still 3rd POV) but I don't know what happened HAHA
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!! I tried my best on this. (keyword: tried)

The bell rang to signal lunch break and Jaemin, after saying his reminders, dismissed the class and started arranging his things. He nodded at the students who quickly said their goodbyes before leaving the classroom to run to the cafeteria. He chuckled at their energy. High school students have always been so full of energy.   
  
"You're not going to eat lunch, Mr. Na?"   
  
"I will, Hyejin. Just packing my things so I can drop them off at my station."   
  
"Have a good lunch!"   
  
"You too."   
  
Jaemin smiled and waved. By now, he was alone in the classroom. He erased his writings on the whiteboard, then picked up his marker that he left on the table, dropping it in his bag. He zipped it, then brought it with him to the teacher's area. He left it in his cubicle and brought his wallet with him.   
  
When he stepped outside the campus, he flashed his ID at the security guard, telling him that he'll be back before lunch time ends.   
  
"No packed lunch today?"   
  
"I woke up later than usual, so nope!"   
  
Jaemin walked off to the nearby mini restaurant. It was cheap and he liked the food there. He ordered some deep fried pork and rice, then found a free table. Although it was lunch time, there weren't much customers. The only nearby establishment was the school, and students weren't allowed to step outside the campus before dismissal time. Most of the customers were local residents.   
  
Jaemin thanked the waitress when she brought his meal. After saying a quick prayer, he starts to eat. He opened his phone to check on updates, and chuckled at Donghyuck's message.   
  
"Mark is being a dumbass again. Wanna hang and talk about it?"   
  
"Sure. ^^ I'll be off at 6PM."   
  
"Nice. Injun will be off at 9, so meet up at 10?"   
  
"Okay! See you later! <3"   
  
Jaemin closed his phone and continued eating. It was another normal lunch time.   
  
When Jaemin finished eating and paid for his meal, he headed back to the campus, only to find a familiar figure standing in front of the school gate. He was taken aback to see him so randomly. It has been seven years since that time, yet his heart still hasn't moved on.   
  
“Is there anything wrong, mister?”   
  
Jaemin braved himself to speak up, and his voice turned out better than he expected. The unexpected visitor turned around with widened eyes. Jaemin couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the sight. It seemed that he was just as surprised as he is.   
  
“It’s been awhile, Jeno.”   
  
Jaemin tilted his head a little to the side and gave him a smile, the same sweet smile he used to give him freely seven years ago. Jeno scratched his nape in embarrassment.   
  
“Long time no see… Jaemin.”   
  
Jaemin almost lost his smile when he noticed the pause right before his name; he must have stopped himself from using that nickname. Thankfully, he was able to keep his smile on his face and continue the conversation.   
  
“What brings you here? Surely an office worker like you doesn’t have the free time to roam around?”   
  
“It’s a day off, Jaemin. Give me a break. How about you? Why is a teacher outside the school?”   
  
“It’s lunch break, sweetheart. You must have not eaten well today to not be aware of that.”   
  
Jaemin internally cursed himself from letting the nickname roll off his tongue so naturally, as if what happened seven years ago never existed. He kept his cool and continued smiling sweetly. He knew he had to put up a brave front at least now. It's been seven years; he shouldn't be crying over this. Jeno didn't seem to be affected at all.   
  
“Maybe.”   
  
Jeno simply responded.   
  
“Well, it was nice seeing you again. I’ll see you around?”   
  
Jaemin wondered if the latter sentence seemed hopeful - he wished it didn't. Jeno only mused, shrugging his shoulders. Jaemin nodded, then turned to leave. Once he knew Jeno was only seeing his back, he dropped his smile and he let out a sigh. He fought back the tears that threatened to fall - he's in his workplace for fuck's sake. No time to be a drama queen.   
  
Jaemin hurried to the teacher's restroom to wash his face. Cold water always helps him calm down, especially when he's about to cry. He tried to keep his breathing even.   
  
"It's okay, Jaemin. Just get through until you get home, then you can cry."   
  
He wouldn't want to admit it out loud, but even after seven years, his heart ached the same every time he is reminded of Jeno. The pain will always be etched in his heart and even after all this time, he couldn't find the solution that will heal his broken heart.   
  
When he finally calmed down, it was five minutes past end of lunch time, so he rushed out to get his things and went to his next class. He apologized to his students for the delay and all of them seemed worried. He was never late for his classes and he never arrived looking so haggard.   
  
"Please don't ask."   
  
He requested and fortunately, nobody did. His class flowed smoothly as usual, the students actively participating in his recitations and no one interrupting him. Most of the students admire him - there was this certain light in him whenever he discusses in class. He was always full of passion whenever he explains the literature he is to teach that day.   
  
"Mr. Na?"   
  
"Yes, Yoojin?"   
  
"Can I ask a random question that isn't entirely related to the lesson?"   
  
"As long as it isn't sociology, sure."   
  
The students laughed.   
  
"What's your favorite poem?"   
  
The smile on Jaemin's face fell for a second, then he immediately smiled again, a little brighter this time.   
  
"It's... actually not a published one, but rather just a poem by a student."   
  
Jaemin placed his hands behind his back, his fingers nervously playing with his bracelet.   
  
"One of your students?"   
  
"No. It's by a classmate."   
  
"Do you remember it?"   
  
"Partly."   
  
He lied, his grip on his wrist tightening. He remembers the lines all too well. How could he not? It was written by Jeno, the very poem he wrote for him on their fourth anniversary.   
  
"Could you recite what you could remember?"   
  
Jaemin's smile almost fell, but he was able to keep it.   
  
"...I'll try."   
  
Jaemin bit his lower lip in nervousness. He didn't think he would be asked to recite the poem out loud ever again. However, he knew he had to be strong. He should be able to do at least this much, right?   
  
_ "Forever you promised me   
Everyday you brought me glee   
Fated we were you told me   
You and I, We're meant to be." _   
  
Jaemin clicked his tongue and smiled.   
  
"I'm sorry, that's all I remember."   
  
Lies - he knew exactly what the other verses were - it's just that he was too scared of continuing. How could he forget the very poem Jeno wrote for him? He was just afraid of finding himself breaking down in the middle of the class, so it was a valid reason for himself.   
  
"It's sweet."   
  
"Didn't expect it would be your favorite, though!"   
  
The class laughed, agreeing. Jaemin wasn't one to talk about love.   
  
"The person who wrote it must be special."   
  
Jaemin smiled sadly.   
  
"There were better lines - I just can't remember them properly. I don't want to ruin a pretty poem."   
  
He excused.   
  
"Well, that's that. Class has ended, so I'll see you tomorrow."   
  
"No homework?"   
  
A student asked and the whole class groaned.   
  
"None for today, Hansol."   
  
The class cheered, then happily bid Jaemin goodbye. One more class, he told himself, then he could let these tears out.

 

  
  
And let his tears out he did when he finally reached the comforts of his blanket. He didn't even try stopping the tears from falling. The memories just kept on flooding him for the rest of the day, and they were all too much to bear. What's more painful is that most of the memories were the happy ones, when they were both so in love with each other, when they thought nothing could ever break them.   
  
Jaemin sobbed through his blanket, his past playing in his mind. He could still vividly remember how Jeno used to hold his hand with so much care, as if he was anything fragile. He could still remember the long nights they spent on Jeno's roof, gazing at the stars and giggling to each other while whispering sweet words to each other. He could still remember how perfect those days were.   
  
Jaemin cried there for a solid 30 minutes, then got up with a red nose and puffy eyes. He sniffed as he poured himself a glass of water. He suddenly wasn't sure if he could even go hang out with Donghyuck and Renjun at this state.   
  
Suddenly, he panicked.   
  
What if Jeno was also there?   
  
He wasn't ready for any of this again, on the same day.   
  
"Hyuck, is Jeno gonna be there?"   
  
He messaged. Donghyuck wasn't online. He closed his phone and hoped the answer would be no. He wasn't ready to see him again.   
  
Jaemin decided to drink another glass of water, hoping that this would calm his heart down. He proceeded to wash his face again and tend to his puffy eyes. He should at least come looking decent.   
  
His phone vibrated, and suddenly he was nervous again.   
  
"Yep.", was Donghyuck's reply.   
  
Jaemin's heart dropped.   
  
":<"   
  
"Don't worry, Jaem. Injun and I are there and so is Mark. You don't need to talk to Jeno."   
  
Jaemin sighed.   
  
"If you say so... ;; I already cried today. I don't wanna cry again."   
  
"Oh no sweetie why?"   
  
"Saw Jeno today in front of the school. He must have visited since it's his day off."   
  
"Is that all?"   
  
"There's still more but... I don't wanna talk about it right now. I'll tell you later?"   
  
"Mhm sure. See you?"   
  
"See you ^^ <3"   
  
Jaemin hoped it would go as smoothly as he wished it would.   


  
  
  
As expected, Jeno arrived early, since he was already free. What Jaemin didn't expect was that when he arrived, it would be only Jeno who has arrived.   
  
"Er, nice to see you again."   
  
Jeno chuckled.   
  
"Didn't think it would be so soon."   
  
Jaemin nodded, then sat across Jeno, his fingers tapping on his lap awkwardly.   
  
"Hyuck hasn't arrived?"   
  
"Nope, but he'll be here soon since he said they're on their way."   
  
"Oh.", was all Jaemin could manage to reply.    
  
The minutes that passed felt like hours for Jaemin, and he wondered if Jeno felt the same. He shook his head. Who was he kidding? Jeno probably thinks this is nothing. He glanced at Jeno, who was on his phone the whole time. Jaemin looked away with sigh.   
  
When Jaemin saw Donghyuck's light brown hair, he immediately got up to hug him, mostly to get away from Jeno for a quick second. He proceeded to give Mark a hug as well, then followed Donghyuck back to the table Jeno reserved for the five of them.   
  
"Injun said he just finished his work and he'll be on his way. Mark and Jeno, could you go buy our drinks?"   
  
Jeno wondered why Donghyuck also sent him, but he shrugged then got up. He could also catch up with Mark while they're at it. When the two finally left, Donghyuck faced Jaemin.   
  
"What happened? Why did you cry?"   
  
Jaemin took a deep breath then tried to explain everything without spilling any tears. He could feel his eyes being filled with tears, but he did his best to fight them back from falling. Donghyuck listened with a concerned look, then held Jaemin's hand to comfort him.   
  
"Sorry. I didn't think you guys would meet today out of all days."   
  
"I-It's fine. I have to get used to this somehow. It's been seven years, Hyuck."   
  
Donghyuck continued to rub Jaemin's hand with his thumb to calm him down. Soon enough, Jeno and Mark came back with the drinks, as well as slices of cake.   
  
"Jaemin mentioned you're on a day off?"   
  
"Yeah. I woke up a little late, then decided to just take a day off."   
  
"That explains why you didn't know it was lunch time already."   
  
Jeno chuckled then nodded. Jaemin felt like he lost a part of his enthusiasm. Why does all of this feel so natural? It hurts that way.   
  
After that, Jaemin stopped joining the conversation and simply listened. When Renjun came, Jaemin started speaking again, although he seemed hesitant over it. Every time Jeno would join in, he would shut up and vice versa.   
  
It was as if they were avoiding each other - and they actually were.   
  
Jaemin felt himself getting sleepy and uncomfortable, so he decided to excuse himself.   
  
"So early? I just got here an hour ago."   
  
"Oh leave him be, Injun. You know Jaemin and his body clock. It's either he sleeps now or never."   
  
"Thanks, Hyuck. I'll see you guys again. Good night."   
  
Jaemin waved his hand sleepily then left, sparing Jeno a quick glance. It was a bad idea. He felt his heart aching again.   
  
When Jaemin left, all attention was on Jeno.   
  
"I'm sure you know why we held this get together - and it's not because Mark is back from his one-month in Canada. Jeno, are you finally ready to tell us about you and Jaemin?"   
  
Jeno sighed.   
  
"There isn't much to say. I... honestly don't even know what happened anymore."   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"I just... I just remember a lot of days of fighting because we were both stressed over senior year. Then, one day, Jaemin decided to end things for us."   
  
Jeno looked down, feeling tears welling up in his eyes.   
  
"...Jaemin said the same."   
  
"What?"   
  
Renjun glanced at Donghyuck, then they nodded at each other.   
  
"Look, Jeno. We know how much you two were in love with each other. We know how meant to be you are for each other. It's painful for us to watch you like this, for seven years."   
  
"It's best to end this, right?"   
  
"And how would you know Jaemin wants to do this?"   
  
"We talked to him recently and like you, he said he wasn't even sure what happned."   
  
"So, please?" Donghyuck reached for Jeno's hand. "Talk about it?"   
  
“There’s nothing left to talk about for us.”   
  
“Except for that unsung duet.”   
  
Donghyuck mentioned, then Jeno sighed.   
  
“It’s unsung for a reason, hyuck.”   
  
“So what? Come on, Jeno. Give you and Jaemin another chance. Call him Nana again.”   
  
Jeno closed his eyes.   
  
"...I'll try. Schedule us a meeting, and make sure he doesn't run away."   
  


  
  
When Jeno was told that he and Jaemin will have their talk at their alma mater, he thought it was somewhat fitting. It was the ideal place to bring their high school romance to a proper closure. However, he didn't think it would bring a heavy load on his chest.   
  
As he stepped inside the campus, he couldn't help but reminisce about the past. Although renovations happened, there were some features that remained the same. He could remember his moments with Jaemin, and all of them were so good that he wondered why he even allowed them to stop.   
  
"Mr. Lee! What a surprise to see you!"   
  
Jeno recognized the person who called him to be the principal. He reached out his hand for a quick handshake.   
  
"Mrs. Kim, long time no see. I hope you've been well."   
  
"A kind gentleman as always. What brings you here?"   
  
Jeno scratched his nape.   
  
"Just wanted to relive the old times."   
  
"You must be in a slump."   
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
"A lot of students come back here when they can't move forward. They want to clear their mind, and they find themselves coming back here to visit the past."   
  
Jeno chuckled.   
  
"I suppose that's true for me."   
  
"Then I won't keep you any longer. Enjoy your time, Mr. Lee."   
  
"Thank you and I will, Mrs. Kim. Have a nice day."   
  
Jeno walked away and glanced inside the classrooms. Most of them were empty, and those who weren't contained some students who were still having too much fun to bother going home.   
  
However, the third classroom, at the second floor, on the left side of the hallway, had a teacher who was taking his time arranging his things. He neatly stacked the papers and clipped them. He placed his belongings in his bag, then zipped it.   
  
"Classes are done, Mr. Na?"   
  
Jaemin jumped in his place at the sudden voice. He frowned at Jeno.   
  
"You could've at least knocked."   
  
"Sorry."   
  
Jeno approached Jaemin, each footstep full of wary. When he was in front of the table, he reached for the stack of papers and picked them up, but Jaemin placed his hand on it.   
  
"No need."   
  
"I insist. It's awkward to follow you empty-handed."   
  
Jaemin clicked his tongue, then retracted his hand. He slung the bagstraps over his shoulders and nodded at him.   
  
"Let's drop those at the teacher's area first."   
  
The walk to the said location was dull; Jaemin didn't want to talk. He knew there would be a lot of talking later and he knew that it will come with tears. He walked faster, making sure he was in front of Jeno. He told himself he was just leading Jeno, but in reality he didn't want to walk beside him. It brought this pain in his heart.   
  
"I'll bring those in. Please wait for a moment."   
  
Jaemin took the stack of papers from Jeno and went inside, taking his time to get to his cubicle. He neatly placed the test papers on his desk and walked out.   
  
"...Well?"   
  
"Want to walk around for a little?"   
  
Jaemin nodded and started walking. He noticed Jeno trying to walk beside him so he gave up on walking faster than him. He kept a distance between them, knowing that a simple accidental graze of their hands would be too much for his broken heart.   
  
He wondered if the campus was really big, or walking around it with Jeno made the entire trip feel so long. Somehow, the feeling felt nostalgic, as the two of them used to walk around the campus before going home, just to stay together for a little more.   
  
They ended up in the garden near the auditorium. Jaemin took a seat on the bench, while Jeno kept walking around to admire the beauty of the place.   
  
"Well? Are we going to talk or are you going to waste my time?"   
  
"I don't know where to start."   
  
Jaemin rolled his eyes.   
  
"Well, I don't know either."   
  
Silence. Jeno awkwardly stood in his place, not knowing what to say. Jaemin had his arms crossed. He wasn't sure why he was getting cranky thar he ended up snapping at Jeno. This wasn't right. This isn't how it played in his mind-   
  
Well, how did it play in his mind? Did he imagine them to confess to each other again? Laugh it off and hug? Kiss? Just like how they did in high school?   
  
However, they weren't in high school anymore, and he knew things aren't going to flow that smoothly as much as he wants it to go.   
  
Still, he could help make it happen if he cools his mind.   
  
"I don't... know how to start... because I can't even remember how it ended."   
  
Jaemin spoke up, one hand holding his arm and its thumb gently caressing to comfort himself.   
  
"I just... remember the two of us fighting then... I got tired and scared and decided to break us off."   
  
Jaemin spoke slowly, as if he was choosing his words carefully, as if he was walking on spikes and each word was a step.   
  
"Jeno, please say something."   
  
Jeno sighed.   
  
"Look, I'm also trying to figure things out here. You and I, we know things didn't end right. I just- I just at least want a proper closure for us."   
  
Closure left a bitter taste to both of them.   
  
"Closure...?" Jaemin almost laughed, but his tears just decided to fall just like that. "Closure is what you want, but you know what I want?" Jaemin took a deep breath. "I want to open another chapter of us, and continue the story."   
  
Jaemin didn’t care if he sounded or looked like a ridiculous mess right now, but he wanted to let it out. He has kept this for so long inside him; it was time to finally say it and let his heart feel the ease that it deserved.

“Fuck, I look stupid, don’t I?”

“A total wreck.”

“Oh, shut up-”

“And I’m here to fix it.”

“What-”

Jaemin found Jeno sitting next to him. Jeno reached for his tear-stained hands and pulled them away from Jaemin’s face. He wiped his tears with a handkerchief, then held onto both of his hands, just like how he always did before.

“I didn’t think… you were also hoping for another chance of us.”

“...Also? I thought you wanted closure.”

“I said, I just  _ at least _ want closure, but if I could have the chance to have you back once again,” Jeno lifted Jaemin’s hand close to his lips and softly pressed a kiss on it, “then I’ll take it.”

Jaemin hesitated for a second, then threw it all away. He hugged Jeno around his neck and inhaled his scent that he missed so much. Jeno wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s waist and kissed his temple.

“I missed you so much.”

“I’m sorry for breaking us up.”

“I’m sorry for letting you go.”

At this point, both of them were spilling tears, but they weren’t as ugly as the ones they had during sleepless nights when they needed each other yet they couldn’t even bring themselves to call the other. They were tears of joy and relief. Finally, they were in the comforts of each other’s arms once again.

They remained in the same position for around ten minutes that felt like an eternity, then Jaemin pulled away to finally get a good look on Jeno. He has grown up a lot, but when he smiled, the same crescents appeared and Jaemin vividly remembered how much in love he was.

“Nana.”

“Jen.”

Jeno smiled, then scratched his nape.

“This is a little out of the blue, but if we want to continue our story-”

“The duet?”

Jeno chuckled.

“Yeah. You still remember?”

“How could I not? We prepared so much for that.”

“Shall we? At least, our efforts won’t be in vain anymore.”

Jeno got up and offered his hand to Jaemin, who took it and got up as well. Both of them walked to the auditorium and surprisingly, it was open. Well, the school locks at 7PM, so it must be still free to use.

Jeno felt another wave of memories as he entered. He remembered the days he practiced with Jaemin, and the days of performances. He could remember the applause they received after every performance.

“You ready?”

“I’m not sure either.”

Jaemin laughed.

“I’ll start.”

He quickly ran to the stage, and Jeno followed slowly. Jaemin looked at the empty seats, then smiled. He glanced at Jeno, then started.

 

_ “We were strangers, starting out on a journey  _

_ Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through _

_ Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing _

_ At the beginning with you” _

 

Jaemin walked towards Jeno and reached his hand out to him. Jeno chuckled then held it, walking on the stage and continuing the song.

 

_ “No one told me I was going to find you _

_ Unexpected, what you did to my heart _

_ When I lost hope, you were there to remind me _

_ This is the start” _

 

They smiled at each other and before they sang the chorus, Jeno leaned close to kiss Jaemin’s cheek.

 

_ “ _ _ And life is a road that I wanna keep going _

_ Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing _

_ Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey _

_ I'll be there when the world stops turning _

_ I'll be there when the storm is through _

_ In the end I wanna be standing _

_ At the beginning with you” _

 

Their harmonization was no longer as perfect as before, but the feelings they had for the song remained the same. They walked around the stage, hands holding each other and smiles reflecting the other. It felt like they were back in high school, bringing back the past they weren’t able to continue.

As they continued singing the song, they got off the stage just as they rehearsed seven years ago. They were on opposite aisles, walking around. They meet at the back, then separated again.

By the time they reached the bridge of the song, they were back on the stage, holding hands again. They gazed at each other with so much love. It was a different time of their life, yet somehow everything felt the same. When the song ended, Jaemin smiled and leaned to press a soft kiss on Jeno.

“I love you, Jeno, so much.”

“I love you, too, Nana.”

“Please continue to be my forever.”

Jaemin hugged Jeno tightly.

 

At last, he finally remembered what home felt like.

**Author's Note:**

> so uh yeah please direct the hate at my cc: https://curiouscat.me/nanailuluuu
> 
> idk what i wrote but i swear, i was half-asleep most of the time. i didn't re-read this; just placed it on ms word to have it spelling and grammar checked so on inconsistencies or whatnots, im: sorry.
> 
> ALSO! Originally, the duet was supposed to be the poem Jeno wrote for Jaemin, but I can't write poems unless they're required in school so I gave up. Listen to At the Beginning! It's a good song. I love it so much.
> 
> n e ways.
> 
> leave your thoughts down below or on my cc! uwu i also write drabbles on my cc, so check them out and if you like my writing, feel free to drop prompts uwu preferably within norenmin because that's my ot3 hehe


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